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by L. B. Ó. Ceallaigh (Author)
In the throes of grief, there are many of us who embrace more deeply our faith traditions and practices as a form of comfort, but some of us do not respond so ardently. This is especially so when we lose a dear loved one or child.Some of us, even after years of growth in our faith traditions and have faced helping others through tragedy, do not respond well to deep grief. We come to the realization that religious rituals-signs and seals of grace-- are not as powerful.When we try to express this, we are typically met with responses that are well meaning positive sentiment or blatant insult. We, especially as priests, pastors, imams etc., are looked down upon because of inability to cope with the pain and in faith see our loved one's death as Divine will.This just adds injury to injury for those of us that are both clergy, spouses, and parents. For we often are expected to be that resilient anchor, Yet even when one is not the clergy, the grieving person has this cultural, sub-cultural, and communal value imposed upon them, even when good natured, that says we need to move on.The well-meaning platitudes and assumptions that our faith will provide comfort and we are to just ignore the justified pain of loss is terrifying to us as grievers. This, again, is especially true when the loss was tragedy. There is frequently never a rubber meets the road moment where theology, faith, and the world around us truthfully collide as a mess that we must properly clean up.Instead, there is a call to theology that lacks depth because it is not pragmatic or practical because there is simply no way to be so pragmatic. Death is treated as so trite that it is more like a comma in the theology sentence about life.All the affectations we try to add or use as explanations become band aids on gaping lacerations or bloody crime scenes that we try to brush away under a rug. The simple answer, however, is that nothing short of the return of the loved one will ever fill that gap. This means it is never enough to fill the ache or loss.It is like trying to put the world's oceans into a beach pail. Our rituals must be understood in their finite nature to use them well. We must reflect on the sad and joyous aspects of finitude.Our traditions must reflect reality if they are to pertinent to life. Theology must hold its proper place with our signs and seals of grace, yes. Within that deep remembrance found there, however, they are not enough. Nevertheless, they are all we have.
