# Life Wants You Dead: A Calm, Rational, and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe - Hardcover

by **Evan Waite** (Author), **Paula Searing** (Illustrator)

**"Life wants you dead, and this book wants to be READ! Ha ha I love being a comedian." --Patton Oswalt**

"Truly hilarious!" --Jack Handey, author of _Deep Thoughts_

**Fear!!! Scary, right? But what if the only thing we _shouldn't_ fear is fear itself?**

In this era of economic turmoil, climate catastrophe, and cliques of cool teens just waiting to make fun of your shoes, we live in a heightened state of fear. We're afraid of the world and afraid of each other--but not nearly as afraid as we should be! And this absurdly hilarious survival guide demonstrates that being afraid of literally everything is the only guaranteed way to stay safe. Packed with lifesaving/fear-fanning illustrations, sidebars, jump scares, chilling one-liners, and more, these pages will keep readers safe from the scourges of love, technology, birds, education, jackalopes, their own bodies, their homes, and the world outside their own bodies and homes. Includes a bonus foldout Fear Map lurking in the inside back cover.

A BOOK TO KEEP YOU SAFE IN THESE ANXIOUS TIMES: Anxious and fearful about the state of the world? Friend, you are not frightened enough! Never mind the asteroid hurtling toward Earth. That bird over there? It's just waiting for the chance to swoop down and peck at your eyes. Your shoelaces? Trying to strangle your feet. From the stop signs obviously attempting to dead-end your life to that creep in the mirror who looks exactly like you, danger is everywhere. And your best survival strategy is to be afraid of everything at all times.

SEVEN SCARY CHAPTERS TO KEEP YOU COMPREHENSIVELY APPREHENSIVE:

-   Your Body: It Isn't a F\*cking Wonderland, John Mayer
-   Love: They're Trying to _Steal_ Your _Heart_!!!
-   Home Is Where the Harm Is: You're in a Hallway to Hell
-   Go Go Gadget Death: Surviving the Techpocalypse
-   The Hippocratic Hoax: Defeating the Medical Menace
-   Mind-Fucked: How Education Kills
-   Be the Fear You Want to Flee in the World

THE BOOK ITSELF IS A THREAT: With pointy hardcover corners, pages that could slap you, and a removable foldout Fear Map ready to strike at your nerves from the book's inside back cover, this humor book is unsafe to buy for yourself or to give as a gift to everyone you love.

Perfect for:

-   Comedy fans of _The Onion_, ClickHole, _The Daily Show_, and _Last Week Tonight with John Oliver_
-   Fear-ridden readers of _The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook_
-   Anyone in need of a laugh in these anxiety-driven times

### Author Biography

Evan Waite is a co-executive producer on FOX's _Family Guy_. Prior to that, he wrote on the Emmy-nominated final season of _Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt_, NBC's _Sunnyside_, _The President Show_, _Our Cartoon President_, _Fairfax_, and _Kevin Hart's Guide to Black History_. He won a Writers Guild Award for his work on Adult Swim's _Three Busy Debras_. In the print humor world, he contributes to _The Onion_, the _New Yorker_'s "Shouts & Murmurs," and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He has also written for _MAD_ magazine, ClickHole, and Funny or Die. He lives in Los Angeles and can be found on Twitter at @TheOhBits.

Paula Searing is a graphic designer and illustrator living in upstate New York. She's worked with various comedy platforms such as CollegeHumor, Dropout, ClickHole, and Big Money Players Network. Her illustrations have been seen in the _New York Times_, _The Baffler_, and BuzzFeed. You can find her work at paulasearing.com.

**Number of Pages:** 180

**Dimensions:** 0.69 x 8.08 x 6.3 IN

**Publication Date:** April 16, 2024

## Details

- **Price:** 19.95 USD
- **Vendor:** Books by splitShops
- **Type:** Books
- **Tags:** Books by splitShops, Shopify Collective

## Variants

| Variant | Price | Available |
|---------|-------|-----------|
| Default Title | 19.95 USD | In stock |

## Images

- Life Wants You Dead: A Calm, Rational, and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe - Hardcover

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